This space right here can be used to endless talk about anything and everything. I haven’t blogged in so long, mostly due to the fact that, there was nothing really happening which was worth any of my rants. When a most-talked about topic goes around my Facebook/Twitter/Tumblr friends circle, I’m that person who quietly sits through all the posts, statuses, tweets, and reblog/like/retweet when necessary. I may seem like I have no opinion of my own, but I guess I’m just really trying to understand what other people go through first, and then see whatever the thing is for myself, and then pick a side. Or stay neutral.
A few days ago, one of the students at my school committed suicide, due to unknown reasons. And obviously, the entire student body rose with all the posts, messages and rants through Facebook. There was one side; who managed to say that they wish he is in a better place and so on, while a whole another group; went on about how he shouldn’t be judged for what he did, and that we shouldn’t take reasons that wasn’t even the cause of the situation in the first place. Newspapers, reported the wrong details and the school barely gave a crap about what happened, considering the fact that it might ruin their rather well-maintained reputation.
I was on both sides on this case; I didn’t know him at all, but I’m the kind of person who ends up having a mental breakdown because of someone’s death, and in this case a boy, who I never even knew. I don’t react for the first few hours, and later when it actually sinks in, it’s a scary rollercoaster of emotions. The first reaction is numbness; you don’t really feel anything, it’s kind of like getting stabbed in your heart, but you feel absolutely nothing. The second reaction is facing reality; the news finally gets to you, and you’re just completely unsure of what to exactly feel. I mean, every person you met, every single day, or maybe even just once, knows that they won’t see you ever again? The third reaction is the breakdown; at this point, you’ve basically given up hope that anything will ever get better. It lasts for quite a few days, and I’ll mostly just choose not to talk to anyone really, or even if I do, I’ll be going on about some irrelevant fight I had with my brother.
Which now brings me to my sort-of relevant fight I had, with him a few hours ago. So obviously, everyone had come to know about the suicide, and my family chooses not to discuss about such issues, because, well, I don’t think they’re comfortable with it, and I don’t think I would be comfortable crying in front of them over things like this, cause they feel like it’s not really worth it. They’re kind of well-acquainted with the whole case of “death”. It’s a circle of life, it’s inevitable, and they’d go on.
“So you know about the boy right, at our school, who had committed suicide? Our school didn’t really even arrange like a moment of silence or like even a prayer for him, can you believe it?” I like to call myself the rebellious/protesting type of person, if something is not right, I will literally go on and keep talking about it, until something is actually being done. “[shrugs] If I was part of the school authority, I wouldn’t think I would want to even associate with that boy. He was a coward; who couldn’t really handle his own problems.” I like to call my brother the kind-that-any-person-would-love-to-slap type of person. Sometimes he says things, that bothers me so much, I can’t even argue further, cause I’m just staring at how he made his entire existence useless by saying that thing. It was definitely one of those times. I carried on forward with what I had to say. “You don’t know him, and you don’t know the reason why he did it in the first place, so I don’t think you should jump to conclusions and judge him. What you saw in the newspapers, was wrongly reported, and was just bullshit.” My brother didn’t really show a sign of giving up, and I kind of realized that we shared similar DNA, and he could possibly have some of my protesting genes too. “Why are you defending him so much? You yourself didn’t even know him. Everyone over at your school is suicidal, and that’s why you’re so depressed all the time. Wouldn’t really be surprised if you committed suicide as well.”
He took it a little too far here with this one. I kind of lost my senses here, and accidentally went on to break a bowl, as our argument took place in the kitchen.
I didn’t really bother to reply back to such a comment, because there isn’t really a point arguing. He firmly believed in what he said, and I stayed firm in mine. It’s important to be confident in what you believe, and that’s all I can do. What surprised me the most, was that he being about 10-12 years older to me, is supposed and considered to be “wiser” but instead he decides it’s best to stick to an opinion, which actually doesn’t seem to make any sense at all.
In the end, it’s all really just about respecting the person who passed away, irrespective of the reasons, and to really just keep quiet and say nothing when you don’t know what exactly has happened.